Seriously, Senior?

Boo-hoo crying and bagels

Soo, It’s my birthday this Friday, and this week I thought I should go into 23 with a positive mindset. Ben was such a sweetheart in his column last week that it feels weird to not apologize. So, you heard it here first everyone, I am deeply sorry for saying your birthday was inferior to mine Ben. Even though I’m right, putting someone on blast on their birthday is never okay. Now that’s out of the way, let’s move on to The Sentry festivities that have been going on this week. John has been stealing Ben’s bagels from his desk, and it’s kind of driving Ben into bankruptcy. I mean I’m not too sure what his financial situation is looking like but I walked into the office yesterday and he was on the red couch boo-hoo crying about something. I’m not saying these events are related but…if it looks like a duck…I mean, he shows up at the office every week with this massive fucking bag of bagels, and yeah, it is kind of weird, but like, it’s his thing? I guess? I heard from his wife that he started dipping into the kid’s college fund to buy them…Should we like, say something to him about it? I just think it’s off that he refuses to share with anyone, to the point where John had to start stealing them. Like bro, you have 65 dozen on any given day, just let John have a few, man.

Seriously he is already banned from the Einstein Bagels on campus and it’s not even open yet. Ben please, come back, we miss the old you.

On another, less gluten filled note, something else has been going on, I’ve slowly taking the coffee in the office and putting a teaspoon of it in the top drawer of Ben’s desk. I’m not sure if he’s realized yet over the whole bagel fiasco, but I am definitely looking forward to his reaction. It constantly smells like coffee, and I think he thinks it’s a candle. Either way, we will see what happens in next week’s column. Until then everyone!