Children invade college students homes

High school tour groups visit Zoom university

School tours greeted with pantless students
Photo: Benjamin Neufeld • *The Sentry*

Campus closure/partial closure has disrupted the lives of college students worldwide. However, the adjustment has brought on some unexpected benefits, principally, the absence of high school college tour groups in students’ lives.

Innocent class-goers have been unburdened by packs of 16-year-olds blocking doorways in the Tivoli, shouting at each other while walking outside, pointing at indeterminate people or objects, whispering and giggling. What are they pointing at? What are they laughing at? Is it someone’s hairstyle? Are they laughing at someone’s shoes? Did anyone just hear one of them shout, “what are those?” Seriously? In 2019? They were probably like nine when that video came out.

These are problems which online students have not had to worry about—most online students.

High schools anxious to introduce their children to the “college experience” (whatever that may be) have been purchasing student information from the university and bringing these college tour groups to randomly selected student online workspaces.

“Like 30 15-year-olds saw me pants-less in my childhood bedroom while I was in a Zoom meeting. My mom just let these people just walk in. She said she thought it was okay because they were wearing masks,” said Ruth, a former student in the school of education and human development (Ruth has changed her major following the incident).

Another victim told The Sentry, “I was in my apartment having a beer and working on a term paper when all the sudden all these kids from East High piled in and started making fun of how many stains were on my sweatpants. Then the teacher leading the tour told me that I was setting a bad example by drinking during the day.”

“There’s a reason we confine people of that age to public facilities in which no one except paid volunteers need to interact with them,” said Amy, a fierce critic of the somehow legal practice. Amy has been traveling to CU Denver student bedrooms herself, asking for signatures on her petition to put a stop to the intrusive college tours. Though she says, “most people avoid eye contact and say they’re running late for something.”

April Fools.
This is a selection from the March 31 issue. To view the full issue, visit: https://online.flippingbook.com/view/398706898/