Exclusive Look Inside the White House

First Dog Champ Gives his Insights

Champ and Major were removed from office in March following a dispute, but have since gone back.
Illustration by Elena Fleischmann · The Sentry

The technology first debuted in the super realistic and 100% totally factually accurate film Isle of Dogs is now being rolled out to the most prestigious dogs around the world. Thoughts from the Queen Elizabeth II’s corgi Muick have rocked the world in the days after Megan and Harry’s tell-all (confirmed: William is a ‘lil racist, thought the dog). This technology recently reached America to better understand President Biden’s pups, Champ and Major. 

In this never-before read transcript, Champ gives readers a review of his first day back in the White House after the dogs’ ruff start. 

“I’ll go ahead and speak on behalf of my partner Major, who recently brought us both under fire for his scrap with the Secret Service human. Joe is our human. Yeah, the Secret Service humans are good and all, but when a squirrel gets between human Joe and human Jill and us, who do you think will keep them safe?! That’s a job for the first dogs. 

“Major and I work hard to patrol our yard at the Big House. We must keep the squirrels away from the humans, as they seem to not notice them as well as Major and I can. Without us, the humans would be at risk of a squirrel attack. 

“We take our job of security for human Joe and human Jill very seriously. Our training in Delaware taught us how we can join with the Secret Service humans to protect our humans.  When our services are needed, we are given scratchies and snackies. Currently our services are in high demand. 

“Major and I can smell no previous presence of dogs other than some small lingering scents from our close friend, Bo, so when we are not protecting the humans, we work to ensure that the entirety of the Big House is smellable as our property. Sometimes the Secret Service humans try to keep us out of ‘top secret’ rooms, but our job must still be completed. 

“Further updates of our work in the Big House will be provided soon. Champ out.”

April fools.
This is a selection from the March 31 issue. To view the full issue, visit: https://online.flippingbook.com/view/398706898/

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