Mass weather-related protests erupt in front of capitol

Photo: Jonathan Enssle · The Sentry
“I just don’t care for the way it always changes.”

Anti-weatherists chant “Down with weather” Saturday morning

“I’m not really sure what they want us to do,” says government official Ms. Rainn Weatherby. She refers to the protesters outside the capital, climbing the steps and chanting “Down with weather!” continuously. “That’s really not under our jurisdiction.”

Hundreds flock to the green lawns sprawling in front of the golden domed capitol building. Their signs held proudly in the air, sporting witty insults directed towards thunderstorms, snow flurries, and even cloudless days that are ‘just too bright’. These folks are here to protest the existence of weather and wish for the legislators inside the building to abolish it completely.

“I just don’t care for the way it always changes. One minute it’s snowing then the next we have to hide from tornados,” says local weatherman John Johnman. “It would make my job a lot easier if we just got rid of it completely.” Others look at him with disdain, many disliking the fact that Mr. Johnman once worked on the side of weather. He does not seem to notice.

As if mocking the protestors, torrential rains erupted from the heavens. With their signs ruined and their dignities shattered, the protests were abruptly cut short. While tensions are high, many of the protestors seem misguided. They go to Denver officials with problems that can only be addressed by the national government. It is a true black mark against the educational system when grown adults do not remember the four branches of government: Executive, Legislative, Judicial, and Weather.

If real change is to be made, protestors must march the capitol of the nation and demand that change. This is how America was made to be run, with or without weather. Many of the protestors have set up their own GoFundMe accounts in order to drive their weather abolishment campaigns. However, while this is democracy at its finest, the question must be asked, what would replace the weather if abolished?