2020 is the reckoning Papa John was talking about

Illustration: Tatianna Dubose · The Sentry Papa John warned the world of 2020 before it even began.

All hail the Pizza King

Move over Raven Simone: Papa John is the new pop culture clairvoyant. In November 2019, Papa John’s founder John Schnatter (who, for clarity, will only be called Papa John for the remainder of this article) said in an interview, “Stay tuned. The day of reckoning will come.”

In part, Papa John was referring to the Papa John’s franchise, which ousted him for saying a racial slur in a meeting (which, according to the interview, was “to convey his hatred of racism,” so like, obviously his logic is pretty sound). But this is more than just a pizza prophecy: it’s the future of the world as we know it.

His pores oozing the oil that glazes his garlic parmesan crust, Papa John revealed the secrets of the world. In a comprehensive analysis of how 2020 is playing out so far, the world has endured the death of Kobe Bryant, Australia is still on fire (though it seems the world has collectively forgotten about that) and now, there’s a global pandemic which is forcing the US to realize that capitalism is extremely fragile. Even at the very beginning of the new decade, the United States was perched on the verge of World War III (another thing forgotten by the masses). Oh, and there’s still all the other, everyday trauma of the world: homelessness, world hunger and the fact that guac is still extra at Chipotle. Needless to say, 2020 is shaping up to be the reckoning that good old Papa J was talking about.

Papa John was right. He saw the world’s collective, painful death, and yet, the world did not heed his warning. He now joins Jeremiah, Obediah and the other -diah’s of the Bible as a prophetic figure, all-knowing of the glories and tribulations that god has in store for humanity. He will die a saint, a pizza god and for sure not a racist.