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Tag Archives: #aprilfoolsissue

Sports canceled, dads confused

Fathers around the globe come out of hiding Due to the increasingly serious Coronavirus pandemic sweeping the globe, sports have decided to skip this season and lay low while everyone else gets sick. This has created some unintended consequences, one of which being the dads

Leaked Rupi Kaur poetry

The Sentry gets the first look at Kaur’s newest work This just in: 2019’s Poet of the Year, Rupi Kaur’s latest masterpieces have been leaked to The Sentry by an anonymous informant at Kaur’s publisher. Below are her never before seen works.     Before you leave               

Stephen King’s 2020

A perfectly horrific start to a year in his newest novel The greatest supernatural horror author Stephen King is back again with a new, chart–topping thriller. Known for expertly plotted horror and end of the world descriptions, his latest work is one of his most poignant. Unlike anything before

New club to visit during pandemic

Q-zone offers fun from six feet away While people concerned with the health of their community practice social distancing to slow the spread of COVID-19, news reports of carefree young people on their spring break vacations partying in Miami with the Pit-Bull hologram have angered some trapped inside onlookers.

A Quiet Place II deemed too loud by critics

Release of Krasinski’s thriller will be delayed for significant reshoot The John Krasinski thriller A Quiet Place was recently supposed to be succeeded by A Quiet Place Part II on March 20th. This did not happen, however, due to unforeseen release delays, namely the fact that the movie was deemed to be too loud by reviewers.  

Christ returns for the Second Coming. In Portland.

Christ seen sampling IPAs Last week, on the Spring Solstice in the year of our lord 2019, exclusive inside sources reported that our lord, savior and Messiah, Jesus Christ, has returned to the Earth for the long-awaited Second Coming. The soles of His holy feet

Campus squirrels under fire for student harassment

Squirrels insist they need to use campus facilities too In recent months, the Auraria Police Department has been receiving an excess amount of phone calls regarding students being harassed by the squirrels present on campus. Students claim they often fear for their safety walking between

PETA outraged over use of dinosaurs in Jurassic World

Spielberg issues response People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has taken to Twitter, yet again, in an outrage that is now directed toward the creators of the Jurassic World franchise. “To exploit these poor defenseless dinos in such a violent and abusive manner