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Tag Archives: #aprilfoolsissue

Christ returns for the Second Coming. In Portland.

Christ seen sampling IPAs Last week, on the Spring Solstice in the year of our lord 2019, exclusive inside sources reported that our lord, savior and Messiah, Jesus Christ, has returned to the Earth for the long-awaited Second Coming. The soles of His holy feet

Campus squirrels under fire for student harassment

Squirrels insist they need to use campus facilities too In recent months, the Auraria Police Department has been receiving an excess amount of phone calls regarding students being harassed by the squirrels present on campus. Students claim they often fear for their safety walking between

PETA outraged over use of dinosaurs in Jurassic World

Spielberg issues response People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has taken to Twitter, yet again, in an outrage that is now directed toward the creators of the Jurassic World franchise. “To exploit these poor defenseless dinos in such a violent and abusive manner

CU Denver Wins Sports Game

ONE STEP CLOSER TO SPORTSBALL TITLE After what felt like hours of intense sport competition, CU Denver Sports Team took home the victory over Another School of Similar Size. The game started out like any other when players chased around a ball in the hopes

Single Review // Elijah and Christine

BING BONG // Potatowithane Records From the YouTubers known for videos like “HE PROPOSED AT TACO BELL! (Real)” and “MAKING WEED BROWNIES IN AN EASY BAKE OVEN,” comes “Bing Bong,” a revolutionary reimagining of The Chainsmokers’ “Closer.” Elijah Daniel and Christine Sydelko worked diligently for

CD REVIEW // Maroon 5

Every Song Ever Written by Maroon 5 // Call the Cops Inc. Since its inception in 2001,  pop-rock band Maroon 5 has released five studio albums about love, sex, and relationships. Fans of the band can now enjoy every song they’ve ever written at the

CD REVIEW // Large Corporations

When You’re on Hold // MOH RECORDS When You’re On Hold is the newest album, from Large Corporations released on March 28. The goal of every consecutive minute is to fill the awkward silence that would initially be heard by callers who have been put

Coachella cancelled midst birth announcement

FORGETTABLE OPENING ACTS RIOT Goldenvoice’s executive decision to cancel the 2017 edition of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival—following the drop-out of one of the headliners, Beyoncé—sparked massive punk controversy. Many fans of Queen B were upset but understood why she made the decision.

Student spends money on Yeezy she could’ve made herself

DAMN I’M BUMMED One Denver college student feels deeply-rooted embarrassment after reportedly spending all of her tuition monies from her loans on a Yeezy sweater she admitted she could’ve “made herself.” Kanye West, also known as Yeezy, is no stranger to entrepreneurial pursuits. One of