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Category Archives: Noise Column

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The Drift “Just the opposite of what you’re reading is what’s going on.” That’s what Alice Cooper told NME on Tuesday, concerning his friend Johnny Depp and the press. Although he was only addressing  the way the press treats celebrities, I think there lurks a

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Stop, Drop, and Listen Today I’ve felt the need to gouge my eye out at multiple junctures in multiple classes. This urge comes over me when I make the mistake of tuning in to the vapid comments taking place during class discussions. These boil down

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Maybe I’m getting old too soon. I’m going to bed at a reasonable time. My back feels like someone put their foot through it. I’m even starting to hate new music—the telltale sign of an aging asshole. The other night, I stayed for one opener

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The Cave of Shame The Sentry bathroom is a cave of lost virtues. Despite being on the second floor, it’s the kind of  underground cavity that medieval knights had to venture through to test their character. My character was tested when I opened the door

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The Rule of Three I‘m approaching this semester like a ghost pepper. After a season on stress and anger, I need to be cautious about how I treat myself and others. The two are closely intertwined, and as soon as you make a decision with

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To fight a dragon I’ve been on a herring kick lately. It’s cheaper than tuna and as healthy as all hell. I’ve explored all my myriad options as I go. There’s the all important pickled herring, herring in tomato sauce, fried herring, smoked herring, herring

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Don’t Tread on Me At my other job I get to control the music all day. My shop sells kratom, a Southeast Asian tree that some opiate users take to kick prescription opiates. I work, more or less, in a closet. My little nook is

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Sweet Release There’s a masturbator in the bathroom connected to the Sentry office. The bathroom is also open to the third floor of the Tivoli, meaning anyone can walk in from outside. We’ve often wished that our bathroom was private, and this intruder is only

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What the Devil? While watching The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina on Netflix, I’m reminded of the blatant misappropriation of pagan culture. I wasn’t surprised when one of the character’s pronounced Samhain “sam-hayn” rather than “sow-in.” All it would take is to read the first sentence

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How to order coffee I want my coffee black like my soul. I always make sure to ask for black coffee in advance when I order it at a cafe. The girl behind the counter looks back at me from behind her turtle shell rims and