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A dog’s diary during quarantine

“What is coronavirus anyway? I’m just glad my humans are home.”
Illustrator: Taylor “Kat” Goodman · The Sentry

What canines actually thinks of stay-at-home

Dear Diary, 

Mom is home again, but I can’t complain. I have gone on extra walks every day for the last two weeks. I can smell in the grass that other dogs are also going on more walks— which is awesome. At home the windows are open, and I get to listen to birdies all day while I plot their demise. It’s never too quiet anymore, and I get to say hi to everyone whenever I want. What is Coronavirus anywayI’m just glad my humans are home.  

Mom keeps talking to small people on the computer screen about “economics”. I try to impress her small friends with my toys. They were all very impressed—I think I scored mom some extra credit. The humans give me a lot more treats now too I almost don’t need plain food. Every day at about noon Dad plays with meMy toys are getting worn out now, and Dad says he’ll buy me more in the next Walmart haul. Afternoon naps are a thing of the past, but playtime is way better. I hope this ritual lasts longer than that Coronavirus thing.  

Two of my humans argued about toilet paper on Tuesday—how Costco is out, and they’d have to shower after they do their business now. I don’t see why it matters; toilet paper is useless to me. The next day I saw Dad put paper towels in the bathroom. I think I met the plumber this way once. If Mom and Dad were smart they’d just do what I do.  

Some mornings Mom still goes out, though I beg her not to. She puts on a hat and apron, but she doesn’t look very happy. Her newest ritual is putting on a funny mask and gloves; she’d be fine if she had fur like me. At her job she gives people groceries, I think. Mom says her job is now “essential”. I beg her to stay. Is this Coronavirus thing bad? 

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