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SOMEWHERE IN NEVERLAND

Photo: Taelar Pollmann · The Sentry

xoxo

e-blast #001 

Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Denver’s elite. And who am I? That’s one secret I’ll never tell! This just in. Looks like self-isolation is the name of the game for The Sentry’s Noise Editor. Literally. How much more isolated could you get than a move home to the Cowboy State? Apparently, the big city lifestyle was too much for K with the current events. Rumor has it our favorite strawberry blonde music lover has been practicing social distancing (as you all should be) and what better way to do so than to binge my show?  

e-blast #002 

To no one’s surprise, it looks like I have prying eyes even in the loneliest of states—lonelier than Lonely Boy himself, at that. Seems like the cabin fever from a week and a half inside has finally gone to K’s head and we couldn’t be more excited to see what she’ll do in her first outing from self-isolation.  

e-blast #003 

SPOTTED: Apparently a trip outside to walk the dog and take a drive to the store is just what the doctor ordered for a cure to cabin fever for K. But what we all want to know is what is she doing during her time inside? It’s just a matter of time before the secrets slip out, and you all know I love a good secret.  

e-blast #004  

I told you all I love a good secret. While honesty may not be the best policy in some ZIP Codes—like for my Upper East Side pals—in the 82520, honesty certainly is the best policy. Get ready Lower Downtowners, here it comes. Apparently, just as much as I love a good secret, K has loved spending her time inside traveling between different streaming services and shows (mine included) and snacking on whatever is available in her parents’ cabinets. Too bad for her spring break is over and back to “class” she goes.  Until next time, you know you love me…XOXO, Gossip Girl.  

 Editor’s Pick: “Young Folks” Peter Bjorn and John 

This column is April Fool’s content.

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