New club to visit during pandemic

Q-Club is the most fun!
Illustration: Rigby Guerrero · The Sentry

Q-zone offers fun from six feet away

While people concerned with the health of their community practice social distancing to slow the spread of COVID-19, news reports of carefree young people on their spring break vacations partying in Miami with the Pit-Bull hologram have angered some trapped inside onlookers. But, maybe also, beyond anger, they’re also a little jealous, thinking they want to be in Miami with the Pit-Bull hologram.

Luckily the free market economy has provided a solution to cabin fever struck civic soldiers and the name of that solution is Q-zone. Q-zone is Denver’s hottest new nightclub. It offers all the thrills of regular loud music, densely packed dance clubs but with a mandatory six-foot distance kept between all patrons. 

Upon entrance, guests are provided with a 12-foot-wide hula hoop to wear at all times while on the premises. If nightclubbers prefer a bit more chaos on their Saturday nights, they can try checking out the mosh pit, but they need to make sure to get inside the big human hamster bubble first. 

Ordering a drink at the bar is somewhat challenging as there is no chance the bartender can hear you shouting at him from halfway across the room. Luckily, the club provides poster boards and sharpies for people to write their drink order on and wave in the air. The real difficulty is catching the uncapped beverage when the bartender throws it.

The club is 21 plus, but they’re not checking IDs at the door; they’re checking COVID-19 test results. This makes the new downtown hotspot an extremely exclusive destination—the line to get in is almost as long as the line inside the coronavirus testing locations.

So, put on a glittery lingerie medical face mask and head on down to the Q-zone for a high-octane night of contactless fun. *Sneezes and hand coughs are strictly forbidden.

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