Joe Biden and COVID-19: Decorative soaps are the answer?

Photo courtesy of Facebook
Sentry writer approached by Joe Biden during the COVID-19 outbreak.

Joe Biden came to my home to prepare for COVID-19

National concern has arisen regarding the age and ability of remaining presidential candidates Bernie Sanders and Joe Biden after the Super Tuesday departure of younger candidates Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar. The flame of the nation’s fears have been stoked further by the COVID-19 virus. The World Health organization has declared the disease a worldwide pandemic and people over the age of 70 have the highest risk of suffering complications when infected (Joe Biden is 77 and Bernie is 78). Now, given that one of the most effective ways to combat the virus and stay safe is through ample and often hand washing, my surprise was not what it may have been when, on the evening of March 13, Joe Biden broke into my home and demanded I hand over my extensive collection of decorative soaps. (I have all kinds, shell shapes, oval shapes, squares, etc.)

He was wearing a (medical) ski mask, but he couldn’t cover up those tell-tale teeth of his. The grand pearly whites. And, when he said, “no malarkey! Hand over the soaps or else corn pop is gonna come inside with his switchblade and cut you to BITS,” I said, “take off that mask Joe Biden! Or, I’ll sneeze on you!” Under the mask he was of course wearing the Tom Cruise aviators (I let him leave those on). But, before I could ask any questions, he fled the scene like the heart-break-struck main character of a high school romcom movie seeking advice from his whimsically portrayed black friend (Obama?).

I can only speculate as to why a former vice president and current presidential candidate would try to steal MY decorative soaps, but, based on the large red burlap sack already filled with thousands of bars of soap he was carrying, I can only imagine he was on a Santa–like bender in which he broke into every house in the whole world (through chimney or other means) to take all the soap he could find. On the bright side, maybe this explains the girl’s hair sniffing. He was just trying to fill up his nostrils with that sweet tear free shampoo.