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Disney sues U.S. Government for copyright infringement

An artist’s rendering of the Space Force Base.
Illustration: Jeremy Holder · The Sentry

White House can’t repel litigation of that magnitude 

The Walt Disney Company has sued the U.S. government after plans for an orbiting space station were acquired and released by WikiLeaks. 

In a statement from Disney’s attorneys, the U.S. government had blatantly copied the design of the iconic Death Star from the Star Wars franchise. Characteristics such as its size being comparable to a small moon and a large circular dent that housed the Death Star’s superlaser were the main points of contention by the attorneys. White House representatives have denied that their space station is based on the Death Star, pointing out that their design lacks any two meter wide exhaust vents that a small one-man fighter could penetrate using proton torpedoes. They also denied that the dent in the station was a form of planet-destroying superweapon, insisting that it is an imbedded satellite dish to send and receive communications from the Pentagon. 

Disney responded by issuing an ultimatum to the White House, stating that if they will alter the station’s design and collaborate with the media conglomerate on future projects, Space Force will be allowed to continue development of the station. The terms and conditions will include royalties for likeness of their property, further developing the station’s communication potential by installing two additional satellite dishes on the upper section of the station, and using the station to host the servers for Disney+. Disney has also stated that they would like to offer complimentary subscriptions of its streaming service to all enlisted personal on the base. 

News of the space station’s creation led to nation-wide protests. “I feel a great disturbance in Space Force,” said Ben Canolli, a protester in New York, “Our millions of voices cry out in terror over what they’re doing.” Canolli and other protesters were suddenly silenced when Disney offered them all a free month of Disney+. “I guess it’s not so bad, from a certain point of view,” Canolli reflected over an episode of The Mandalorian. 

April Fools.

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