Psychos, zombies, and identical twins, oh my!

Friday the 13th can be a dangerous time to live in a horror movie.
Illustration: Sophie Auriti · The Sentry

a few tips on how to survive friday the 13th

Both the day, Friday, and the number, 13, have been considered unlucky on their own. However, when these two powerhouses of bad fortune are combined, many dastardly people and creatures tend to crawl out from the woodwork. Many television screens have been screamed at and abused because the people in horror movies make the wrong decision and get themselves killed. Don’t be those people. These are some sure-fire tips to stay alive and un-possessed this Friday the 13th.

The first important step to not be the main character of a horror movie is to watch out for the tell-tale signs.. One, is there a creepy person nearby making terrible puns that are vaguely threatening? Do they love having ‘guests for dinner’ or say the weather is so hot a person ‘could just die’? If the answer is yes, move out of town and stop accepting that person’s dinner invites. Chances are, they are testing the waters to snatch their pray. Two, does the person shamble and groan? Are they a little handsy? They are a zombie. Three, if the person in question has the same face as someone around them, be wary. They might be a murderous twin or a clone. One can never be too careful, so keep an eye out for the signs.

The second most important a person needs to know on the unluckiest day of the year, is to know the enemy. People in zombie movies never seem to know to go for the head first, so try not to be the most unprepared person in the horror movie. The biggest threat on Friday the 13th is Jason Voorhees. He really only sticks to one place, so in order to avoid him and stay alive a person needs to stay away from summer camps. Aliens, on the other hand, are a more difficult threat. Their weakness can be anything from water to direct sunlight. Take notes of the alien behavior and make a game plan according to the observations.

Honestly, no murderer is expecting someone to rush them with gorilla-like adrenaline. So, just take them by surprise.

However, this brings the third and final step needed to survive Friday the 13th. A person must never become a danger to themselves. The main characters in horror movies tend to trip at the worst moments, so one must wear sensible shoes and watch where they are stepping in order to keep ahead of the pack. A person should never fight with a weapon they are unfamiliar with. This usually takes away from the time they could be using to run away. Never be the hero, the best bet is just to skedaddle right on out of the horror movie.