Pepperonis on pizza: best thing since sliced bread?

Pepperoni is the original classic for a good reason.
Photo: Taelar Pollmann · The Sentry

And what about anchovies?

The best pizza topping of all time is a simple one that everyone has had, and everyone can agree upon. An item invented in the United States and eaten internationally. It is pork and beef, mixed together with chili pepper, more commonly known as pepperoni. There can be a debate made for almost every topping. However, the simple pepperoni pizza is the perfect foundation for whatever delicious creation wanted.

It is easy to understate a meat’s value to the American masses. Americans consume over 250 million pounds of pepperoni on pizza alone. On top of this it has been voted America’s favorite topping on pizza. A classic pepperoni pizza could solve any problem. Four slices of pepperoni pizza can take a long grieving night of homework and studying and turn it into a night to remember. The meaty, slightly spicy, crispy ingredient on top of warm, soft, airy crust, along with some simple marinara is all anyone could ever need.

However, there is another side to pizza, the foundation of one cannot be ruined but by only a few things. No, not Hawaiian—anchovies. Anchovies are rats of the sea. They’re small, slimy fish similar to sardines. Their taste is practically unbearable and it only gets worse on pizza. It almost seems to be a sick joke to take something so beautiful, a true Italian cultural phenomenon, and throw on a disgusting fish. Now not all fish are bad; however, none of them can go well on pizza, least of all anchovies. In fact, in an act of defiance against this horrid food, Nov. 12 became “pizza with everything (except anchovies) day.” This exclusion of the horrific food can be thanked by the overwhelming hatred of the strong and salty fish.

The lesson that everyone can learn is avoid anchovies at all cost, and accept pepperoni, because with that no one can ever go wrong.