Words from a wallflower
A couple weeks ago, I wrote a column that ended with taking time for yourself when life gets tough. Initially, I didn’t say what happened because I wasn’t ready. Now I am. My relationship of five years ended.
The breakup itself wasn’t abrupt. Things had been rocky since I left for college, and we just drifted apart from there. We weren’t even in different chapters anymore; we were in entirely different books.
The breakup was mutual. We were both calm about it, which, to me, confirmed that it was time to end things. While I didn’t feel like the problem was solved in that moment (I don’t think any breakup feels right), I know that it’s the best for the both of us. Our relationship had become unhealthy. We were anchors to each other, just waiting for the other one to let go until finally we both did. I thought the timing wasn’t great because we broke up one week before I took the LSAT, but then I realized there really is never a good time.
In all honesty, all the people I should tell do not read my column, so the big question is this: when do I tell them?
With the risk of sounding heartless, I am already happier. I have realized that I only need people in my life who lift me up, and I am fortunate to have a close-knit group of family and friends who support me and don’t pass judgement, especially my roommate (that’s for another column). They have noticed a difference in me in the last few weeks, and it’s time for me to focus on those positive relationships.
I don’t want to discount my time with him because he gave me many memories through high school and part of college, but I have truly started to move on. Even though taking pictures off my wall and storing old gifts under my bed brought up mixed emotions, it gave me the distance I needed to begin healing. While I close the book that he is in, I am focusing on mine, and I’m excited for the future.