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The Call of the Void

Photo Credit: Genessa Gutzait · The Sentry

Into the mind of Erebus

The mind is a weird place. Inside there is a little voice that lurks in the deepest parts of your brain sabotaging and invading your most private thoughts, casting doubt on how you feel about yourself, a situation, the people around you, or sometimes all three.

What’s most peculiar is when this little voice decides to creep up on you. In the most vulnerable times you have been witness to, whether that be on overwhelming power of fear, sadness, defeat, frustration, resentment, or humiliation, the list goes on, the voice comes out of the depths of solitude and reinforces the negative emotions stirring around in your head. What’s more is that we, being the fallible humans that we are, believe that voice and allow it to consume who we thought we were.

To some extent we all believe we can do anything we put our mind to, some more confident than others. Additionally, we receive validation from the people around us who not only boost our ego but actually make us believe we are able to attain whatever we want if we work hard enough.

Yet, when we receive criticism to the extent of rejection, we reevaluate who we thought we were and reminisce on the words of affirmation we allowed ourselves to soak up and use as a catalyst to try new things and put ourselves out there. Are they lying to me? My friends and family and the people I hold dear. Maybe I was too cocky. There will always be someone better. What could I have done better? What did I miss? Why? Why. Why.

And then, that voice. Are you surprised? You didn’t try hard enough. You could’ve done something more. You weren’t ready and should’ve waited. You weren’t good enough.

That voice, so small, so insignificant, holds power and drags us to a place of isolation and holds us captive where we remain cold and forgotten. It isn’t until we are able to feel the warmth of the light and open our eyes to the yellow and sparkling brilliance that we can find our way out, sometimes on our own, and other times with help.

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