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Free the G: An investigative report

Kenny G still stuck in Kanye’s twisted fantasy

What began as a Valentine’s Day gesture may have become the crime of the century. Kanye West’s Valentine’s Day gift to Kim Kardashian included a room full of bud vases with single roses surrounding legendary jazz musician Kenny G, serenading Kim with “Careless Whisper” played on his saxophone as Kanye watched and smiled.

As the video went viral, a burning question behind the matter was ignored. How did Kenny G get there? And has he since escaped the prison of roses?

The Sentry received an anonymous tip that Kenny G still plays in the room, having repeated a non-stop loop of “Careless Whisper” for nearly two months. He must stand and perform at all hours, forbidden to rest. Sources suggest that if he stops, an alarm will sound to alert Kanye. To get to the bottom of the matter, The Sentry went to the source: Kim and Kanye’s Hidden Hills Mansion.

Will Kenny escape his floral bonds? Illustration: Alex Gomez · The Sentry

On the surface, the mansion gives no signs to the horrors lying within, but the closer one gets, the more the evidence builds. Single bud vases with notes stuffed within litter the yard. The notes are as follows: How did I get here? Where am I? Why does Kanye keep smiling at me? 16.3 million views and nobody asks where I have gone? This whisper is starting to care.

After staking out the mansion until nighttime, an anonymous insider gave an eerie statement about the truth of Kenny G’s alleged imprisonment.

“He’s definitely still in there,” the source said. “You can hear him through the vents, just playing ‘Careless Whisper’ on a never-ending loop. We’re not allowed to talk about it.”

Kenny G remains a prisoner in a minefield of roses. As the world turns on, Kenny G continues to play, with no viable way of escape.

 

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