Campus Village releases new cookbook

CVA is best known for serving exclusively bad pizza.
Photo: Ayden Adair · *The Sentry*

Now students can make four basic pizzas too!

After six years of testing, feedback, and refinement, Campus Village has proudly published their cookbook: “Four Ways to Regret Buying a Meal Plan.” Inside the hardcover book lie their recipes for their four unique pizzas: “Cheese with Stale Crust,” “Why is There Broccoli on This Pizza,” “Guess the Meat,” and a fan favorite “Literally Not Even Pizza Sauce on this Pizza.”

Sodexo CEO states that this cookbook is meant to “inspire the youth to make their own meals, rather than hoping what we made today is edible.”

A Campus Village resident commented, “This book is everything I’ve been waiting for. Now I can have one of my favorite foods ruined on a regular basis, not just when I go to the dining hall.”

While the book seems to be a smashing success, top economist Robert Lucas Jr. warns of the potential downsides.

“What happens when everyone buys this book?” Lucas questioned. “Who will be left to purchase meal plans? Before, we had to pay for awful pizza, but now it’s available to anyone with two hands.”

A local amputee chimed in that, “Even with only one arm, [he is] able to make these pizzas.” Looking into the future, Sodexo and Campus Village are partnering up again for another installment of cooking-related merchandise. It will include amazing products, such as plates that can’t be fully dried, ice cream cones without a functioning bottom, and the delightful not-entirely-sure-this-is-real meat chicken breast.

To get first dibs on Sodexo’s amazing releases, purchase a meal plan for the low price of $2,010! If you purchase now, they’ll also throw in flex cash for no extra charge, which has to be spent at a whole one spot at the Tivoli center. Make sure to pre-order today to not miss out!