The Call of the Void
I think I’ve made a grave mistake and, quite frankly, I’m stuck. Kind of like that feeling you get when you’re sick and you feel like you’re dying, and you can’t even help yourself. Hopeless is the word I’m looking for.
I have developed a disdain for my major.
Not like a blatant hatred for it, but in the back of my head, I hear myself saying that I do not like English literature or communication. But don’t confuse this by thinking that I find these majors useless. I will argue till the end that they are in fact very practical majors and malleable in that they can apply to almost any professional job. No, this disdain comes from the fact that I just sit in class, and I honestly don’t care for what I’m learning; I’m not interested, and everything has been pretty repetitive and routine.
All the time college students are told to find something they would enjoy doing for the rest of their life, and I think about what I have to look forward to with English and comm and I’m just underwhelmed. But maybe I’m not looking into all my options.
The worst part about this all is that it’s too late. Don’t give me the spiel on how I can change my major and find something I love. No, I can’t because if God is on my side, and I am due to graduate in Spring 2020, then it is very much too late, and I have to ride this wave out. Switching majors is also not an option because I don’t have the financial feasibility to do so.
So, I think… Public Relations, a professor in English Lit., an independent researcher, journalist, author, how long are you going to list jobs until you find something remotely satisfying, Jaleesia?
To be fair, I’m very indecisive. I’ve been pondering the possibility of law school for about five years now, and then I think about law school and I talk myself out of it. I’m not going to law school. For sure this time.
I’m finishing my degree whether I like it or not, and I’m going to choose one of those careers because that’s the world we live in. So suck it up buttercup and enjoy the ride.