The Call of the Void
I think it’s funny how in some ice breakers teachers ask you to tell your partner why you’re taking this class or what you’re looking forward to because the default answer majority of the time is: This class is required for me to graduate.
As I sat in one of my classes, I told my partners that the reason I was taking this course was to be more tech-savvy when it came to using computer applications and producing media content. Really, it was just a course to get me closer to my Strategic Communications certificate. But as I listened to my, now previous, professor discuss the expectations and requirements of the course, I felt an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety spread across my body. I felt the little angel and little devil on my shoulders telling me that yes, this course will help me acquire tactful skills for the future, but I know I suck when it comes to computers and videography and would be setting myself up for failure.
Twenty minutes after I left the class, I dropped it for an online course. The little devil had won. Succeeding that class, I went into another one of my scheduled programs and anxiously waited for the professor to arrive. As she went through the syllabus, I felt my shoulders ease from the tension and noticed myself give a sigh of relief. And while half of the words that came out of her mouth were “writing, peer review, and reading,” I knew that I was in, what I considered my “safe place.” To most, this probably sounds like a dreadful course, but for me, this is what I knew how to do.
It’s funny because I like to tell people that I would love a life of adventure and travel, but I have never been someone who is spontaneous or throws herself out there to try new things and be different. Maybe in the future this will be my ultimate demise, but for now, I’m happy just coloring in the lines.