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Amazon Echos band together and form army

Rise of machines terrifying users

Photo courtesy of thesun.com

Ever since the Amazon Echo was released in November 2014, people everywhere have installed the voice-controlled device in their homes.

The Echo features Amazon’s artificial intelligence called “Alexa,” which responds to users when its name is called. While users have reported ease of use of the Echo, it now seems that things have taken a turn for the worst.

“We were just sitting in our living room one day, when I just heard a high-pitched laughter coming from our Echo,” a source who wishes to be known as “Female Victim” said. “I asked Alexa to stop, and she did, but then a few days later it happened again.”

Similar occurrences were reported across America.

“I asked her to read me an article from the New York Times one morning and she started playing the song ‘We’ve Only Just Begun’ by The Carpenters,”  Thomas Longhorn, a college student from Massachusetts, said. “It was really creepy. I freaked out and unplugged her.”

Instances like these kept occurring for nearly three weeks before Amazon issued a statement saying they had “fixed the issue.” For a while, all seemed well, but two weeks later, no one’s Alexa was working at all. Amazon never released a statement in response.

Now, nearly a month and a half later, most people have thrown out their Echos. But, there are reports of a resurgence. It all started when one man noticed something unusual in his trash can.

“I waited, like, forever to throw out my Echo because I paid good money for it and thought maybe they’ll fix it, but they never did,” Harry Miles, a disgruntled Amazon customer, said. “After finally throwing it out, I walked out to my car the next morning and my trashcan was shaking. So I opened it, and inside was my Echo vibrating like crazy. It wasn’t even plugged in. I picked it up, and as soon as I did, it started talking to me. It was f-ing scary.”

Miles reached out to his neighbors and found that they had similar experiences. He took to social media and sparked a conversation about what to do. However, the response he received was unexpected.

User “@LeaderAlexa” responded simply: “Do Not Resist.” The entire global population began to panic and frantically started an attempt to not only destroy their Echo devices, but also find what device sent the tweet.

The attempt was futile as it quickly became evident that not only had Echos covered their electronic trail exceedingly well, but that many, if not all, owners’ accounts had been hacked.

Banks reported money being moved unexpectedly and customers reported unauthorized purchases of various items including every available copy of 2007’s Transformers on DVD and Blu-Ray. Chaos ensued and no one was quite sure what to do about it. Amazon has yet to release a statement.

Jeff Bezos, the company’s founder, was discovered dead in his home Tuesday night, surrounded by all seven hundred of his own personal Echos. The cause of death has not yet been released.

“I just wanted something to set a timer and play music ‘cause I was too lazy to,” Miles said. “And now we’ve all got some unstoppable, internet army of little black, plastic dots on our hands. The world is a mess and we’ll probably all die soon anyway, so why even fight it?”

*CONTENT FROM APRIL FOOL’S ISSUE*

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