Being the broody kid always working on a ceramics project alone in high school, I blocked off any connection with anyone who wasn’t family. I didn’t want to get judged or treated differently once they really knew me. I even kept my family at arm’s distance.
I told myself I’d let people in once I got to college (CU Boulder), and I gradually did. Though my first year of college was filled with an emotionally abusive relationship, the friends I made slowly chipped at the ice walls my moody ass had built up around me. That doomed relationship finally burned me, and the friends I made were there to deal with my overdramatic extra-ness while I went through a self-induced existential-crisis in its ashes.
When I eventually transferred here, I decided to be more open, let people in, and be myself. I wanted everything to be different. To finally be me. I decided to take any opportunities I was presented with, regardless if it was a friendship or an on-campus job. Then I found myself a part of The Sentry.
Deep friendships were made and lately they’ve been there for me more than I can thank them for. I’m not sure what puppy I kicked to get this kind of karma lately, but if it weren’t for my friends in The Sentry, I would have dropped out. Especially with being a commuter student without a car.
Hands down, my Sentry colleagues have astounded me not only in their warmth, but with the amity we have established over the past year. Even after coming into this job with baggage of an even more decimating breakup to date, they have comforted me for months after. They’ve been to the rescue each time Zeus has thrown a lightning bolt at my life (specifically my now dead car, thanks big Z). If I had kept up my moody ice walls, I’d be in a very different place… and alone™. I know if/and/or/when they need help, I’ll be there in a matter of seconds (hopefully then with a car).
If there is any inkling of you identifying with my past frigid sensibilities, it might be best to tear down those icy walls. Stupid boys, girls, or whomever may have hurt you, all you can do is move on and never look back in the rear-view mirror. Allow those friendships to flourish in the charred ruins of trauma as good friends can do nothing but help each other drive on to where y’all need to be. Sometimes literally.