Shittiest Bathrooms on Campus

IS THAT A GLORYHOLE?

The Tivoli Student Union is one of the most iconic landmarks that has represented Auraria Campus since it first opened in the early 1900s. It has become a place to study in cozy niches, buy supplies for any classroom needs, and enjoy socializing with peers over a great beer and fries in the Tivoli Brewery.

However, the Tivoli is also becoming well known for its horrible bathrooms; the worst by far is the men’s bathroom on the third floor, just above the Tivoli Brewery. Many students may not know that this bathroom exists—at times, gaining access to the bathroom can be impossible due to the corridor door locking in the evenings.

The door might be locked for a reason. It’s not that the bathroom is full of clogged toilets or graffiti painting the stalls—rather, what goes on in the bathroom is what makes it so horrifying. In each of the stalls there have holes drilled into the side panelings. The side panelings are designed to give users privacy while taking care of their business. Unfortunately, for this specific bathroom, the holes make it a bit easier for people to peek in and take a gander at your goods.

Why are there holes drilled into the stalls? This question remains unanswered.

If one finds themselves needing to relieve themselves in one of these stalls, they must be prepared to wait at least 30 to 45 minutes. Though this estimate may seem exaggerated, it is sadly accurate. The Sentry office is located near this bathroom, and many of the staff members have walked in to find both stalls occupied, left, and returned half an hour later only to see the same dropped pants and shoes underneath the door of the stall.

What could they possibly be doing in there? Through investigative journalism, the Sentry has discovered that instead of going to the bathroom, patrons of this restroom have been heard typing on a laptop keyboard, texting, tap dancing, socializing, and even talking on the phone, bringing a whole new meaning to the phrase “do your business.”

This bathroom has become the location for students who want their own personal cubicle—or social club—but can’t afford to rent office space. Anyone who needs to see a man about a dog should embark on a journey to find a more private stall, because the only shit that’s happening in this bathroom is the use of a shockingly good Wi-Fi signal.