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Noise F.M. // William Card

Palms sweaty. Back sweaty. Butt slowly getting sweatier. Pores, obviously clogged with salty water. Jeez, this sucks.

What do I have in common  with a solid portion of CU Denver students right now? If it’s experiencing the painstaking five-minute wait before a job and internship interview starts, then yes. It’s that shitty crawling vibe that signals the beginning to your greatest anxieties.

My most recent interview was a fun time. Or at least that was what I told everything for the next three weeks. I did fine, but a painstaking sense of inadequacy looms unless I’m verbally affirmed. Needless to say, I was a mess. Thoughts boiled in my head saying I was the forgettable, insignificant young kid similar to when I was a young boy. The feeling submersed me in a temporary depression all the way until I got the acceptance email for the internship. Oh.

The months of March and April are generally stacked with preparation, worrying, and a lot appointments with the Experiential Learning Center and Career Center. The time spent is a duality between finishing the semester strong and spending exhaustingly endless hours of brainpower into solidly preparing a future that’s parentally acceptable, bite-sized, and fits nicely in a FB status. Wow that’s a lot of energy. When I tried to explain the latter to my parents over the weekend, they could see that I was busting a brain vessel trying to make it work. My dad didn’t get a single job offer until June. Heck, he didn’t even want to take one until July. While he’s well into his career, at that point in his life he was scared, but it truly worked out just the way it needed to.

It’s a tough time right now. From interview to final projects, all of our built up confidence and sashay can drain directly into sweat dripping down your back. Straight swang is now greasy goop.

As I’m writing this as I’m sweating into the driverseat of in my car waiting for my next interview.

This interview is about me, not about being good enough for someone else. If that means producing sweat and goop. At least it’s authentic.

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