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Noise FM// William Card

Music editors try to be nice. We know we tip-toe the fine line between publicly assaulting the career and livelihood of the artists we review. It’s about time I let that slide.

What caused this sudden change of life perspective, you may ask? When three tall dudes trap and shove mixtapes down your throat, it had a tendency to trigger unfortunate memories of backyard bullying. Realistically, you’ll do anything to get them out of your face, even it if means paying for their shoddy mixtapes.

As I walk away with three mixtapes in my hand, my retribution became clear. These c-list rappers are going on the stocks.

Mac Slug attempts to rock the boat with still in the game: season 1. What followed instead was 11 tracks of yesteryear-aged beats, rehashed-motifs of gangsta life-styles, and pathetic attempts at creating a cohesive consumable product. With standout track, “Make These Moves,” weak-ass personifications of cats to people ruined any attempt of anyone taking this record seriously.

$ale really wanted me to like him, despite his signature and obvious thrust of meaningfulness, this tape didn’t translate into anything but critical non-idiosyncrasy. What kind of artist branding has three radically different social media handles—Saleatm, $ale206, the real sale—private accounts, and different pictures? Certainly an artist who wants to stay perpetually undiscovered and deep underground.

Let’s not forget Rend Red. His surprisingly sophisticated production, in comparison, shot this tape to the top of my list. Semi-professional mixes was a pleasant break from the muddy catastrophe of the other amigos. “Coke Boy,” was the predictable trainwreck. “Gave her the D, I’m the dope boy/fresh tan, I’m the coke boy.” So close and still so far. The rest of the album fluctuated predictably between hungover-flavored slow jams and first-world problems of having “too many hoes in the car” as told in “True Playa.”

I swear I’m usually nice. But please, don’t shove your stank-flavored mixtape into the arms of a music journalist. You’ll do yourself a favor.

 

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