McDonald’s cuisine five minutes before store closes

STALE BLISS

“We close in five minutes,” the McDonald’s cashier greeted the Sentry as our reporters arrived for a long overdue profile on the Tivoli staple.

Perfect. Just in time.

The employees were so focused on their work that they retrieved the large order from the warm embrace of heat lamps with nary a smile. While waiting for the cool air to congeal the french fries’ grease and give them their iconic rubber texture, many other aspects of the restaurant’s ambiance begged to be appreciated: half-cheweed pickles slimed tables, spilled soda crystalized into syrupy rings, and stained napkins waited to be collected from the floor and sent to a recycling facility that will contribute to McDonald’s efforts to save the world.

The cheeseburgers ($1) had a nice crust edging bun and bread alike—a side effect of being exposed to Colorado’s clean, crisp air for at least two hours. A four-piece nugget ($1) will cost connoisseurs a surly glance from the normally amiable staff, as the chicken-esque bits are harder to keep edible for extended periods of time and must be made fresh, but they’re just the thing to make consumers glad they arrived just in time to keep the employees from their families for another 20 minutes. Each bite gives way to a rewarding crunch.

Students and faculty alike are lucky to have access to this hyper-Americanized gem. Without it, Aurarians would be forced to harrass Subway employees with their unreasonably time requests.