Feminist Listicle // Taylor Kirby

He sleeps/leaves me alone for 22 hours a day

He won’t be traumatized because I named him Darcy, even though he has every right to be

It’s socially acceptable to lock him in a cage in public

He doesn’t die when he falls off the fridge

He doesn’t die when he falls out the window

He’s an idiot, but I don’t have to worry about him becoming a drain on society

He can’t vote Republican just to spite me

He doesn’t throw tantrums when I’m trying to
spend quality time with him at Target

He can’t become a chiropractor just to spite me

His birthday parties aren’t expensive to host

He probably couldn’t commit patricide even if he wanted to

Minimal playdates with his poorly raised peers

Minimal odds that I’ll become a Mommy Blogger

Since his testicles were removed, he can’t become an anti-vaxxer just to spite me

The more I talk about him, the less people will want to socialize with me

He can’t choose to spend Christmas with his significant other’s shitty family

I do not have to grapple with moral qualms about disciplining him into the bondages of capitalism lest he be isolated from society