The Dark Web: a pleasant place to browse, shop

NOT JUST SEXUAL SLAVERY

Accessible only by Tor browser, the Dark Web is hands down the greatest underworld realm that can be found.

It sounds frightening and sketchy to the average law-abiding citizen, but based on positive personal experiences, Yelp should rate it 5/5—highest marks. There are many goods for purchase; whether a shopper is in the market for exotic tigers smuggled from Sumatra, a glock with the serial number sanded off, or simply a rainbow of ecstasy pills, the Dark Web has it all.

There’s even some great deals for budgeters. The Dark Web can be a valuable resource for the frugal penny pinchers out there. At its core, the Dark Web is the Costco of illicit goods for purchase. Who doesn’t love a deal? Moms would especially appreciate it because there are deals on freshly pumped breast milk: 4 liters for the price of one!

The Dark Web is also aesthetically pleasing. For 90s kids who enjoy minimalist graphics, this is the place to surf. The design is what would happen if Microsoft Word 1996 and MySpace had a baby. The website is difficult to maneuver, and the shopping cart may be hard to navigate. One review reads, “Ummmm, I’m not sure if I purchased the right thing or the right quantity of fingers.” True fans know that’s half of the adventure. When orders arrive in the mail in a frumpy used shoe box, the shopper is knocked over with surprise.

The Dark Web may be on the FBI’s radar, but that seems like an overreaction on the part of the US government. It’s a great platform to make friends on. A lonely person can easily just get on and chat with folk of a different sort of crowd. Whether one wants to strike up a conversation with an Iraqi arms dealer, Colombian drug mule, Russian mail order-bride, or sketchy American porn filmmakers, the Dark Web encourages social activity and, quite frankly, is a great networking resource.