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Coachella cancelled midst birth announcement

FORGETTABLE OPENING ACTS RIOT

Goldenvoice’s executive decision to cancel the 2017 edition of the Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival—following the drop-out of one of the headliners, Beyoncé—sparked massive punk controversy.

Many fans of Queen B were upset but understood why she made the decision. As one fan eloquently stated, “She’s really pregnant. Like really, really pregnant.” Another fan commented, concerned for the superstar’s health, “Beyoncé shouldn’t be performing on any stage right now ‘cause she is like hella pregnant with multiple Beyoncé babies.”

Though Lady Gaga was set to take over as the replacement headliner, the festival organizers ultimately decided to cancel the whole event. “Fuck it!” a festival organizer commented, “There’s just no point in holding it if Beyonce isn’t performing, so we just called off the whole thing. Maybe next year!”

While many Beyoncé fans were understanding of Coachella’s decision, things took a drastic turn when fans of a lesser band began to protest. Fans of the obscure and potentially forgettable band Surfbort became outraged by the news and resorted to protesting the concert organizer’s decision to cancel the event, stating “fans have rights too” and carrying signs. The hashtag #FansRights has now been trending on Twitter for the past week.

Surfbort, the self-described “slimy ice-creeem lickin filth rock” band from New York, was previously scheduled to play on April 14 and 21 of festival, but after recent cancellations, will not get a chance to grace the Coachella stage. The online fan-war quickly translated to reality, as the punk band and others’ fans began rioting in the streets of New York City.

Surfbort and their label, Becky With the Good Hair Records, released a statement encouraging the destructive and dangerous behavior after fans of other cancelled acts banned together in the riot. Initial reports of fighting and physical attacks were revised to include dancing and mosh pit activity.

Beyoncé reached her 10th tweet this week asking fans to be safe and not to fight because of her, to which many misconstrued as a call to action and went to fight rioters and anti-fans of Beyoncé.

The count, as of publication, is 43 injured and two in critical condition. No deaths have been reported as of yet.

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