City Scapes // Morgan Mackey

College can be a difficult time for students. But have no fear; I have devised a plan for succeeding in college and getting that 4.0 GPA.

Skip the textbooks. Its saves students plenty of money, and all the information a student would ever need can be found with just a simple Google search. Why spend hours reading through dense textbooks just moments before a paper or Canvas test is due when Googling answers takes half the time and provides the same results? Plus, textbooks are heavy and comprised of big words, while Google can be found on a computer or phone and uses language everyone can understand.

Do homework drunk. As it turns out, doing homework with little interest while sober isn’t that affective. Try throwing back a few cold ones and doing homework. It doesn’t matter that you’re doing homework drunk, as long as the student puts in the effort. Being sober and not caring isn’t as productive as being drunk and caring a lot about homework.

Get as little sleep as possible. Push the limits of the human brain by getting around three hours of sleep or less each night. The brain is a powerful organ, so why give it a rest by sleeping? Stay up all night then head to class the next day with all your waking thoughts. Sleep is for the weak, and weaklings don’t get college degrees.

Procrastinate. Getting a jump start on homework is for squares. Push the limits of deadlines; some of students’ best work comes from the panic of a lingering deadline. Much can be accomplished when a paper is due by midnight and it’s 10 p.m. The iconic TV show The Simpsons was created in 15 minutes while creator Matt Groening was on his way to a meeting. Push those assignments to the limits; the next big idea may come from a last-minute idea.

Attend class as a little as possible. The two-day-a-week, 75-minute class session time is just a suggestion, but not a requirement. Attend once a week, if that. Information can usually be found online or the lecture notes posted to Canvas. Why sit and waste time listening to peers when that time could be used doing more productive things, like watching cat videos or screaming goats?

With this plan, clenching a 4.0 GPA is within arm’s reach.